How to read an old iron advertisment

Rookies in this hobby of ours are at a distinct disadvantage until they learn how to read an advertisement. Whether it is for complete engines, parts, hauling vehicles, or what have you. If you do not have a solid understanding of the basic terms, you will eventually get bitten.

As I have been dealing with stationary engines and antique cars since just after I started eating solid food, I feel I have a pretty good comprehension of the vernacular that litters classified advertisements these days. Allow me to share some of my trade secrets with you so that you may become a better buyer, as well as a better ad writer for your own goods.

Let’s start with one of the most common terms for both engines and vehicles. Namely, “Rust Free”. A layman may read these words and picture metal that is free from oxidation. Wrong. Where I come from, the reality of the term simply means “I am throwing in the rust for free.” That’s right, no extra charge. You buy the item, and you get the rust. Technically correct, don’t you think?

An alternate definition of “rust free” may simply mean that all of the metal parts have already fallen off, leaving no rust whatsoever. Again, this is not a false statement. There really is no rust left.

See, with just that first definition I have probably saved you countless hours of frustration. When you see your next ad for a rust free item you will probably not even waste your time, will you?

The next one is encountered in conversation as well as in print. You really need to be a detective to pick up on the subtleties of this one. How many times have you seen or heard “It ran at one time”?

Is this statement supposed to do anything for you whatsoever? I would kind of like to think that they ALL ran at one time or another. Heck, the Titanic used to float! Do people really think I am going to pay a premium for an engine that “ran at one time”? Face it, the real meaning behind this statement is usually, “I got the first 30 words for free and don’t have anything better to say”. When you see this phrase, be wary.

So, if you see an ad for a rust free engine that ran at one time, what are you envisioning now? Where would you be without these handy tips?

Moving on to price, the term “or best offer” seems to be tricky to rookies. Let me fill you in on a little secret. It means “don’t offer the asking price!” If the advertisement says “$1,000 or best offer”, don’t offer $995. Sellers always allow a cushion between their asking price and what they are willing to take. Some sellers have a bigger cushion than others. Some appear to use a freaking air bag when they price their stuff. Don’t confuse asking prices with “what things are worth.” The buyer determines the value much more so than the seller.

“Original Condition” is a fun one. More often than not it means original paint, original oil in the crankcase, original grease in what is left of the bearings, original gas in the tank, etc. Sorry, I am not picturing good things! How many of these things do you think are truly original after sixty five years or more?

The most misused term of all has got to be “restored”. Silly me, I used to think that this meant the thing was rebuilt using factory correct parts which were rebuilt to factory tolerances and reassembled and painted factory correct colors. The finished product should look, act, and perform as the original did. The consensus among ad writers, however, seems to be that giving it a squirt with a garden hose is equivalent to a full blown restoration.

The most hysterical term is the proverbial “ready to be restored”. I am laughing out loud as I type this! I can’t wait till I come across an engine that just ain’t quite ready for restoration. Is this a psychological problem with the engine or what?

“Hey Fred, wanna start on that one next?”

“Nah, that engine ain’t quite ready to be restored just yet. Maybe in a year or two.”

How much of a price premium do you place on an engine that is “ready” vs. one that is not? Is an engine with a hopper full of concrete any more or less ready than one that is not?

“Barn Fresh” comes up a lot. Based on the appearance of a good many of the old barns in my neck of the woods, it doesn’t mean much. For one thing, the terms “barn” and “fresh” are pretty much mutually exclusive. I don’t know too many old farmers who will tell ya they are going out to the cow barn for some fresh air. If the barn has been there long enough to be the original locale of an antique stationary gas engine, I am willing to bet that the only freshness left is coming from the wind cruising through the holes in the side.

Turning to things like tow vehicles and trailers, a good term to know is “original miles”. What precisely does this mean? Does it mean that the vehicle never covered the same stretch of road twice? Again, this term is a space filler. If the thing has 731,4012 miles on it, I don’t really care if they are original or not. A “rust free” vehicle with 730 thousand original miles is not much different than a “rust free” vehicle with 730 thousand non-original miles!

The term “Needs Work” equates to “run the other way”. You can imagine that the catastrophe awaiting you if the seller chose “needs work” in an effort to make the item appealing to you. “Needs Work” is a euphemism that is used to describe the biggest piece of rubbish left on the planet.

I hope the above tutorial has proven to be enlightening to you. I am quite sure that you will never read an advertisement in the same light again.